The creative reborn and the halfway homeschooler
We've all got our ways of dealing with the new world of home office Credit: Daria Piromalli

I have worked from home for almost 20 years. There is no joke about Homes Under the Hammer you can tell me that I haven’t heard a million times before. The truth is, you cannot physically survive as someone who earns their living from home if you start watching Homes Under the Hammer. Or 
 really any daytime television. My children would have starved if I had developed a crush on Martin Roberts. This is rule number one of homeworking三级成人视频: figure out what work you need to do and do the work. Do not treat it like a duvet day. Do not get distracted by Martin Roberts.

三级成人视频Some of us are continuing to work from home in the same way we’ve always done. (And without any guaranteed income, as we’ve always done.) Some are receiving a 
salary and trying to work as hard and as 
honestly as possible while being horrifically distracted by anxiety, Netflix and their own children. Some are desperately wanting to use work to take their minds off things completely. And others probably want to look as if they’re working from home, but are aiming to do as little as possible while giving the illusion of productivity. The trick is to recognise which tribe you belong to and embrace your new (hopefully temporary, for all our sakes) WFH identity. So which one are you?

The pyjama player

Just because shes got her pyjamas on, doesn't mean she isn't going to ace this working from home game Credit: Daria Piromalli

三级成人视频She’s in her PJs (new, White Company – crisis treat), but don’t go thinking that, just because she’s at home, she’s not still a player. This one thinks she can have it both ways: get some downtime and stay ahead with the people who matter. (Mostly Josh in New York, the only co-worker she dresses for in their weekly video call.) She’s determined to crack this homeworking as if it were one long dress-down Friday: she’s going to relax — God knows, she deserves a break after that debacle with the slide deck at the Q4 marketing conference last year – but she’s going to impress her colleagues at the same time.

三级成人视频Tools? (1) A spreadsheet of all the books she intended to read during the holiday time she hasn’t taken over the past three years. (Includes: Big Little Lies and Becoming by Michelle Obama.) (2) Subscription to Mindful Chef ingredient and recipe boxes because she is finally going to learn how to cook. (3) Strategy document outlining emails to be sent, contacts to be maintained, strict timetable to get all work complete within two hours a day. Most likely to be overheard saying: ‘How do you make a starter? It’s sourdough time, baby.’

If this is you… Do not make ambitious plans to compensate for years of missed relaxation and non-existent hobbies – just take it day by day. Check in with other colleagues about how they’re managing, what’s urgent and what can wait.

The halfway homeschooler

Juggling work and kids during lockdown is pretty tough Credit: Daria Piromalli

Got in quick by hoovering up the following Collins titles from Amazon: Easy Learning Numbers Ages 3-5, Telling the Time Ages 5-7, Spelling Ages 5-6, Problem Solving and Reasoning Ages 5-7. Has drawn up a timetable for three children aged three, six and seven, starting with Home Economics Breakfast Lesson at 6am and finishing with Easy Physics Bathtime at 8pm. Aiming for four-and-a-half contact hours per child and four hours of her actual job a day, while catching up on working emails until 2am most nights.

Weekends: violin and recorder practice, live-streams from Monterey aquarium, Skype call for mother-in-law to teach French, YouTube YogaBugs exercises... Has perfected the art of turning on the kettle during work calls to drown out the sounds of children killing each other. (‘Sarah, can I call you back in a moment…?’) The downstairs toilet is her office and the place where she cries for at least half an hour a day.

If this is you…三级成人视频 Follow instructions from school and don’t expect to get extra schoolwork done. Let yourself off the hook.

The creative reborn

Most used catchphrase: ‘I’ll need to check that with my VA and my spirit guide.’ Credit: Daria Piromalli

All her working life she has been campaigning to work from home because research shows that productivity goes up, you have a better work-life balance, you’re more creative and you have time for Pilates and yoga.

三级成人视频Signs up for online courses in Instagram marketing, coding and the Alexander technique. Implements ideas from Tim Ferriss’s Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines and Habits of Billionaires, Icons and World-Class Performers, including getting up at 5am to meditate, outsourcing all your work to a virtual assistant (VA) and expressing the authentic self by drinking green tea. Downloads the MyFlo app (measuring hormone fluctuations) and becomes fixated on figuring out at which stage in her menstrual cycle she is the most productive. Repeatedly forgets to reply to the boss’s emails and calls. Wardrobe? Lululemon all the way. Catchphrase: ‘I’ll need to check that with my VA and my spirit guide.’

If this is you… Experiment judiciously with new ideas without trying to change everything about your life overnight. Have a favourite podcast you listen to at a certain time every day and stick with it, instead of constantly getting inspiration FOMO.

The hardcore freelancer

She’s been working from home for years, so she's a pro at this stuff Credit: Daria Piromalli

This is her moment. She’s been working from home for years and she’s damned if she’s going to let all these moaning slackers poison her system. Has a highly organised ‘leisure’ wardrobe of velour jumpsuits and Sweaty Betty leggings bought on eBay, which look like pyjamas but are not actual pyjamas. Surprisingly more bereft than office workers that she can’t leave the house – going out for a latte macchiato five times a day was pretty much the only thing keeping her going.

三级成人视频Used to setting a schedule that involves pretending to use the Pomodoro method (working in 25-minute intervals), but actually avoiding the busiest times in the local café. Sends approximately 56 WhatsApp messages a day asking people she hasn’t seen for a year, ‘How are you?’ Orders a Nespresso machine after years of holding out. Finds herself watching Four in a Bed repeats and drinking tequila before lunchtime because ‘work is slow and no one’s committing to anything’.

If this is you… Use this time to focus on jobs you’ve been putting off: accounting, planning, DIY; and to keep in touch with contacts, even if it’s just to commiserate about these uncertain times.

The techno perfectionist

Zoom? It's a bit 2019... Credit: Daria Piromalli

As soon as the decree about homeworking went out, she ordered a £1,099 Herman Miller Aeron office chair from John Lewis. It’s ergonomic and it’s on show at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. This is the chair they chose for God on The Simpsons and it’s probably tax-deductible, right?

三级成人视频Now it’s all about finding the right angle for video conferencing. Zoom? A bit 2019. Flock feels like the right way to go. Has spent the past two weeks rearranging her library (mostly motivational Simon Sinek and Austin Kleon) on the shelf behind the chair. Determined to co-ordinate the team’s work using ‘collaboration hub’ Slack so that she never has to talk to any of them on the phone (so analogue!), despite the fact that several of her colleagues have left voicemails in tears. Wardrobe? Black polo neck and Amazon Essentials straight-fit stretch jeans. If it was good enough for Jobs… Catchphrase: ‘BlueJeans video conferencing really has few advantages over Google Hangouts Meet.’ Amount of actual productive work achieved: zero.

If this is you…三级成人视频 Force yourself to have phone calls with co-workers (who might hate video technology) and set a timer for the conversation to give yourself a get-out. You don’t have to talk to them for an hour. But you do have to talk to them. 

Which tribe do you fit into? Tell us in the comments section below