三级成人视频

Music Critic
Neil McCormick
Absurd: Johnny Flynn's David Bowie
Absurd: Johnny Flynn's David Bowie

It’s Piggy Starbust! It’s Aladdinane. Ladies and Gentleman, it’s Hunky Borey.

三级成人视频You might have thought it was impossible to make David Bowie look awkward, geeky, unconfident, boring and deeply uncool. But somehow the makers of a new movie have managed it.

The release of the first trailer for David Bowie biopic Stardust has been greeted with horror and derision online. Actor and musician Johnny Flynn cast as Bowie has been compared to Vernon Kay, Noel Fielding, Cilla Black, Molly Greenwald and, er, Rami Malek playing Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody.

One person it is agreed Flynn looks and sounds nothing like is David Bowie. He is seen in a variety of Bowie imitation costumes (the man-dress from Hunky Dory, space suit from Space Oditty and Kansai Yamamota-style glam boot and robe from Ziggy Stardust) and awful Bowie wigs (from stringy blonde to layered proto-Mullet), wandering awkwardly around a set of cheesily dressed Seventies style locations, like a shy contestant on Stars in Your Eyes.

Flynn has even been fitted with mismatched contact lenses and gamey false teeth. And though his face is a bit too broad, and his nose is too big, if you forget to put your own contact lenses in, you might actually be able to maintain the illusion that you are watching the Starman himself for all of, oh, five seconds.

Uncanny? Unlikely

三级成人视频That’s how long it takes before Flynn opens his mouth to speak, and the illusion cruelly shatters. Asked his name at American passport control, the actor grimaces shyly and says, “David Bowie” with all the conviction of a camp thespian from RADA with adenoid issues impersonating Kenneth Williams.

三级成人视频If you are going to play a musician with one of the most famous voices on the planet, you could at least make an effort. The effect is akin to seeing an Elvis impersonator walk on stage and start talking like Johnny Vegas. Only not as amusing.

The trailer goes from bad to worse, as Flynn is shown in a succession of scenes that may as well have been culled from the first 30 minutes of Bohemian Rhapsody or the Elton John biopic Rocketman. The wannabe wig model faces rejection in shadowy record company offices and radio stations as he gropes towards shedding his shy skin and becoming the Man Who Sold the World. “Act like a star and they’ll think you’re a star,” says Jena Malone, an American actress playing his American wife, Angie Bowie, who, for some reason, had decided to make it sound like she was raised at Windsor Castle.

三级成人视频American comedian Marc Maron is also on hand as US publicist Ron Oberman, to make it a story of how America chutzpah turned a gawky Englishman into a worldwide superstar. Or something like that.

The film’s tagline is Meet David Before Bowie. And while the styling of the film seems very indebted to Bohemian Rhapsody, its producers Salon Pictures have insisted it is not a biopic, “it is a moment in time film, a turning point in Bowie’s life.” It is set during seven weeks in 1971, focusing on a brief promotional tour of the United States, at the cusp of Bowie shifting from folk rock to glam. Only without the folk rock or the glam. Because this is a Bowie musical, without any Bowie music.

Bowie himself rejected all overtures for a filmed biopic during his life, although he collaborated on surrealist musical Lazarus in his final years. His estate have made it clear they have nothing to do with this project. None of Bowie’s music has been licensed for the film. Indeed Bowie’s son, the talented filmmaker Duncan Jones, sounds deeply unimpressed. “If you want to see a biopic without his music or the family’s blessing, that’s up to the audience,” is all he has to say on the subject.

三级成人视频To be fair (and really, there is no reason to be fair), it won’t be the first musical biopic with no rights to any of the actual music, starring an actor who looks and sounds nothing like the artist in question. Some of them have even been quite good. Aaron Taylor Johnson made an interesting young Lennon in Nowhere Boy (2009), a part the equally un-Lennon-like Ian Hart has played several times – perhaps most memorably in a very punky Beatles in Backbeat (1994).

三级成人视频Andre 3000 wandered soulfully around looking a bit like Jimi Hendrix in All is by My Side (2013), Michael Pitt wandered soulfully about looking a bit like Kurt Cobain in Last Days (2005), Sam Riley was strangely convincing as Ian Curtis in Control (2007), and Jack Lowden rather less so as Morrissey in England is Mine (2017).

Frankly, I’d take any of those movies over Bohemian Rhapsody, where the desire to placate all the band members in an official biopic robbed a potentially devastating tale of anything resembling actual drama. And while I enjoyed Taron Egerton in Rocketman, the handsome young action man star of the Kingsman franchise was basically cast as Elton John’s fantasy double. Yes, Elton, I too see James Bond every time I look in my magic mirror. Meanwhile Madonna is writing and directing her own biopic三级成人视频, which pretty much guarantees a warts-and-all portrait without any warts.

Johnny Flynn as 'David before Bowie'

三级成人视频Actually, my heart goes out to Johnny Flynn, who is an interesting singer-songwriter in his own right and a decent actor. Flynn was good as George Knightley in Emma this year, and excellent in the underrated thriller Beast (2017). But he’s not David Bowie. But then, who is? Maybe Timothée Chalamet could pull off the young Bowie, now that his Bob Dylan biopic has been mercifully cancelled due to Covid. With Gary Oldman as The Blackstar, Tilda Swinton as The Thin White Duke and Eddie Redmayne as the Man Who Fell to Earth.

You see, this casting agent business is a lark. I would like to point out a small anomaly to whoever did the actual casting. Flynn is 37, playing a 24 year old. By the time Bowie was 37, he had made 15 albums, become a global pop superstar with Let’s Dance and was about to go on a decade-long career slide.

三级成人视频Flynn has described his portrayal as “Bowie before he got his mojo”, which, I suppose, offers a get-out clause of sorts. With no actual Bowie songs to perform, the folkie musician revealed in a recent interview that he wrote his own song for the film, in the style of “David trying to rip off Lou Reed.” Which, I might point out, David himself did rather memorably on Queen Bitch. “Thankfully, I didn’t tell myself that it had to be as good as a prime David Bowie song,” noted Flynn. “It was kind of part of the plot at that point that he’s playing songs that sound a bit like rip offs.”

三级成人视频So that’s something to look forward to. David before Bowie, playing Lou Reed rip offs. At least we can rest with this thought. No Bowie songs were harmed during the making of this film.

Is the trailer for Stardust as bad as critics say? Tell us in the comments section below